I am leaning hard on my meditation and yoga practices this weekend. While my mind is moving constantly towards worry, anxiety and future unhealthy scenarios, I am doing a reasonably good job of catching myself when this happens and pulling myself back into the present, into right now, where I feel healthy and strong. My biopsy was nine days ago, my MRI 12 days ago, and I have no results from either. I called Thoracics on Thursday and was told that the pathology report is still not back. Hmm – this seems odd. Rather than assuming that the tissue has been sent to CDPC in Atlanta and the health authority here is quietly determining an emergency plan, I need to remember that it is just as likely that the lymph node biopsy was a very low priority for the pathology lab and the MRI was all clear. In the worst case, I am seeing the oncologist on the 8th and will get an update then. I am trying to not to get stressed about this, trying to be calm, telling myself that no news is good news.
I have just completed an outstanding mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) course through the BC Cancer Agency, taught by David Greenshields. The class was based on the program developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn and reinforced my understanding of how important meditation, yoga and mindfulness are to health, healing and recovery. Between the resources from this course, daily mediation and an almost daily yoga practice I am trying to stay grounded. I have better focus and concentration and am learning that the best way I can take care of my future health is by being healthy today. Now I need to maintain this practice without the discipline of a weekly class. I had a lousy yoga session yesterday (physically it was okay but my mind was all over the place) but otherwise getting back to the studio and practicing regularly has been the best thing for me mentally and physically.
I don’t know what the results of my medical tests are and there is no upside in worrying about them. All I can do is try to be the best I can be, physically and mentally.
Happy Easter – I hope you and your family enjoy the holiday!